


Evening Tide

by Catclaw



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-18
Updated: 2006-11-18
Packaged: 2019-04-05 17:32:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14049294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catclaw/pseuds/Catclaw
Summary: The Wraith attack and Rodney must learn to cope with his loss.





	Evening Tide

**Author's Note:**

> Title and some of Rodney's speech stolen from Placebo's Without You I'm Nothing

“Without you I’m *nothing*! You hear me?! So take your plan and spin it sideways! And if that’s not enough, you can find the nearest fucking Wraith and shove it up its arse!” Rodney’s mouth snapped shut, just as shocked as John at his outburst. Taking it in his stride, John pulled Rodney into his arms and held him there tightly, trying to calm him. Taking Rodney’s face in his hands, John tipped his head upwards and kissed him deeply.  
“I love you.” He whispered before retreating back into Atlantis to prepare.

Collapsing down onto the floor of the balcony, Rodney stared at the waves that were lapping serenely against the edges of the city, unknowing and uncaring of the danger that Atlantis and her inhabitants were facing.  
“Doesn’t he see?” he whispered out to the sea, “that whatever he wants to do, whatever happens, I’d take it by his side.” He sighed, a deep sorrowful sound that seemed to echo in the air around him as the first Wraith beams began to bounce off of shields that didn’t have enough power to protect indefinitely.

Sighing once again, he too re-entered Atlantis, making his way to the control room, shouting orders at scientists and soldiers alike, hoping that once again his brain could save the City and those whom he loved. Praying he could find an alternate way to stop the invasion before John went off on his suicide mission.

The room lurched ominously as the shields began to power down and Rodney began to despair. What kind of genius was he? Not one at all came the answer. He had been so ineffective in his research for finding different power sources or indeed in ways that they could recharge a ZPM that it looked like he was going to lose the only person who had ever truly loved him as a result.

Glancing up, he met Elizabeth’s eyes and knew that she was considering setting the City to self-destruct and although he hated the idea of all that knowledge being lost, he knew that it was better destroyed than in the hands of the Wraith. He shuddered as he imagined what would happen to Earth if the Wraith ever found out its location.

Almost too suddenly, everything went silent and the ground and the walls stopped moving. Rushing to the window, Rodney stared into the sky, wondering if it was over, or merely a pause before they unleashed a greater horror upon them.

It was with was chilling sense of a time that was moving too slowly that Rodney saw the explosion in the sky. With a dawning and horrific realisation, he knew that John had saved them all at the cost of his own life. And with that knowledge a slow, icy-sensation crept into his heart, never to let go.

*

The dust was only just beginning to settle on Atlantis after their narrow escape from the Wraith and Rodney found himself sitting on the same balcony as he had been on when all of this had started. His legs unwilling to hold his weight. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he once again stared out at the waves.

Tipping his head up, he glared at the stars that twinkled in seeming obnoxious happiness. His words, when he spoke, were full of an almost bitter grief.  
“Sometimes I truly wonder if you ever listened to a word I said. It is, was, ridiculous that you could hear all the things that I didn’t, couldn’t say, yet you never heard the things that I did say. I told you this wouldn’t work, I told you that…” his voice broke off and a harsh humourless laugh escaped his lips. “When we used to speak of memories, you told me that to an outsider, as you had been, I seemed so lonely. I suppose it was true, and I was happy that way. But the truth is that you’ve never seen the lonely me at all. The me that I am now. The me without you.

“In truth it was because of you that I’ve stayed with the project for so long. I’m a coward, and I’ve never claimed otherwise, if not for you, I would have taken the first trip back to Earth the moment the option became available. It’s because of you that I’ve become the man that I am today. People from my past wouldn’t recognise me now. But now there’s nothing holding me upright anymore, and I fall. Don’t you see? Don’t you see that without you I’m nothing at all?”

**Author's Note:**

> For Nazgirl, for laughing at the things I yell in crowded places (such as I feel bad for killing John... Got some weird looks that day...).


End file.
